Lessons From the Parsha on Making and Keeping a Healthy Marriage.
We’re holding by פרשת בשלח, Chazal tell us: בכל דור ודור חייב אדם לראות עצמו כאלו הוא יצא ממצרים
Leaving מצרים was not a one time event but an ongoing process. And this includes קריעת ים סוף which we read about in the Parsha. The Gemara says:
קשה לזווגן כקריעת ים סוף
In our times we unfortunately have a clear understanding of this as we grapple with the phenomenon known as the Shidduch crisis, where there is a multitude of girls who are Frum, Ehrlich, and accomplished that are sitting at home and waiting for their זווג. Harav Ahron Leib Steinman זצ”ל once related that there are two things that cause him to not fall asleep at night: couples who don’t have kids and single girls who haven’t found their zivug.
On Chol Hamoed Pesach 2018, there was a horrific crash that took the lives of a chosson and kallah, Yisrael Levin and Elisheva Kaplan. At the levia R Shaya Levin, Yisrael’s father said: Hashem, I’m giving You back your afikoman, but I’m asking for something in return. Please give 10,000 shidduchim to klal yisrael. Inspired by that, a wonderful organization was founded called 10K batai yisrael, with the idea being that you don’t need to be a professional shadchan to make a shidduch, anybody can, a friend, neighbor or relative. All you need to do us pick up the phone and call. To date, over 16,000 suggestions have been made through their efforts, and over 200 marriages of older singles have been celebrated. Many older singles only get one or 2 dates a year, and when you call them with a suggestion it brings them tremendous chizuk. We shouldn’t be concerned about the results, we just need to try. R Yisrael Salanter used to say א מענטש דארפט טאהן, נישט אופטון. In any manner of Klal work, a person has to do, not necessarily see results.
Another way in which we can help our older singles is by Davening for them. When you ask a single girl or boy for their name for Davening you are also giving them much needed Chizuk, and as we know, the תפלות of Klal Yisrael are answered in שמים.
And of course, by קריעת ים סוף, the water split and remained in that position as Klal Yisrael passed through. It’s not enough to get married, but one needs to constantly put in efforts into his marriage, making sure it stays a vibrant and healthy relationship. This can only happen when both husband and wife spend quality time together away from household chores and burdens. Rabbi Benzion Shaffier tells about his Rosh Yeshiva Harav Henoch Leibowitz, who got up at his wife’s לוויה and said, “Everything we did, we did together. We built the Yeshiva together, we traveled together, We grew together.” When a couple shares their life with each other, it helps create an ongoing and lasting bond.
Finally, we must mention recent events in Israel. While much has been said about the need to protect our children and stand behind the victims of abuse there’s another crucial lesson which many Rabanim have been speaking about. The תורה says that Klal Yisrael are an עם חכם ונבון There’s a Hebrew expression, what’s the difference between a פקח, a clever person, and a חכם, a wise person? The פקח knows how to extract himself from difficult situations, but the חכם knows how not to get into those situations to begin with! Chazal helped us live a healthy lifestyle by establishing the rules of יחוד. When a person lives with healthy boundaries as established by חז”ל he keeps himself out of trouble. As the Pasuk says והמים להם חומה מימינם ומשמאלם The waters were walls around them, and we too need to establish healthy boundaries in our relationships. By doing so we will also strengthen our own marriages, and bring קדושה into our homes.
We’ll conclude with a true story recently published in Hamodia. The administrator of Krasna Yeshiva in Boro Park received a phone call from his banker, stating that there was an email request coming from his secretary to transfer $180000 to an account in Brazil. “Did you authorize this transaction?” The administrator said “absolutely not!” It’s an attempted fraud.The banker then explained what made him hold off the transaction. “Everything looked in order in the email and I almost went ahead with the transfer, but at the last minute I noticed that your secretary addressed you by your 1st name. All the years I’ve been working with your Yeshiva, you were always adressed as Mr, and not by your 1st name. That’s what made me suspicious, and so I called to confirm.” By maintaining healthy boundaries around us may we all merit much ברכה in our lives!
Weekly Parsha Shiur 