The Parsha tells us that after אליעזר encounters רבקה and she draws water for him and his entourage, he immediately presented her with gifts of jewelry that she accepted. Why did רבקה accept the and not decline by saying she wants no reward for her kindness ?
To answer this question we need to properly understand what true חסד is. Certainly, if it’s only about giving, there is no room for accepting anything as a reward for the חסד done. However, there is another way to look at this.
The רמב”ם writes when describing the various forms of צדקה
מעלה גדולה שאין למעלה ממנה, זה המחזיק ביד ישראל כשמך, ונותן לו מתנה או הלואה…או ממציא לו מלאכה כדי לחזק את ידו עד שלא יצטרך לבריות.
The highest form of צדקה is actually not by giving charity, but rather by helping someone sustain himself, by giving him a job or a loan so that he will not need to come charity.
We see from the רמב”ם that true giving is providing a person with the means that he himself can earn his keep, without coming to be dependent on others. And so רבקה, seeing the great wealth of אליעזר, as evident by his grand entourage, realized that he would only be comfortable receiving her kindness if he was able to give something in return. She therefore accepted his gifts, even though it was against own will. A true giver knows that’s it’s not about their own feelings but rather about the recipient’s feelings.
The great contemporary בעל חסד Rabbi Zalman Ashkenazi dedicated his life to support the עניים of ארץ ישראל, through his organization משמחי לב. One of their projects is giving tens of thousands of pairs of brand new shoes to children before Pesach each year. Interestingly, their is a nominal fee for each pair. When asked why he charges something for the shoes, Rabbi Ashkenazi explained: When the parents pay the nominal fee, they no longer feel like beggars, but rather like real customers who purchased their children’s shoes. And that feeling of respect is the ultimate goal of Chesed. Not giving for the sake of giving, bit for the sake of fullfiling the needs of the recipient.
Based on Shiur by Harav Aharon Lopiansky
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