The רמב”ם in a letter to his son, writes,

יש לך בני לדעת כי פרעה מלך מצרים הוא יצר הרע באמת, וישראל …הם כדמות השכל האנושי, ומשה רבינו הוא השכל האלוקי, ומצרים …הוא הגוף

The story of יציאת מצרים is also a metaphor for the life of every Yid. Paroah represents the יצר הרע, the nation of כלל ישראל represents the human mind, משה רבינו represents the יצר טוב, and מצרים represents the human body and its desires. And just like in the story of יציאת מצרים, Klal yisrael was led out by משה רבינו, so too, we each need to utilize our inner משה, the יצר טוב, to overcome our personal מצרים, the struggles and challenges we face in life.

In Parshas וארא, the begining of the end of שעבוד מצרים happens, with the onslaught of the first seven מכות. By מכת צפרדע, the פסוק says,

ותעל הצפרדע

Rashi notes that the word צפרדע is singular, and explains that it all started with one frog that emerged from the נילוס. When the people of מצרים saw it, they beat it with sticks, with each beating causing the frog to emit a stream of smaller frogs. As they kept on hitting it, more and more frogs emerged, until the land was filled with frogs.

The Steipler, in ספר ברכת פרץ, asks, if the Egyptians saw that frogs kept on emerging, why didn’t they stop hitting the original frog and halt the spread of the צפרדעים? The Steipler explains that while logically, the hitting should have stopped, on an emotional level, as the Egyptians witnessed the original frog spewing more and more frogs, it fostered their anger. And in their anger they just continued hitting and hitting, even though it was to their own detriment. Concludes the Steipler, such is the nature of כעס. If we allow it to fester, it will grow, and bring in its wake more and more anger, in a vicious and unnecessary cycle.

What then can be done to try and control this מדה, which all people struggle with? The בעלי מוסר give several practical עצות to overcome כעס when it begins to surface.

The most simple עצה is to remember that everything that happens to us, whether being told an embarrassing comment, or suffering a misdeed by others, it’s only happening because Hashem Willed it to happen, as nothing happens without His Will. By remembering and internalizing this premise, the feelings of anger will be diminished.

Another עצה is to pause for a brief moment before responding in anger. During that moment, we can try to calm ourselves down, by distracting ourselves or by practicing relaxed breathing. Once the body calms down, the urge to lash out in anger slowly dissipates.

The רמב”ן in his famous אגרת his son, alludes to a similiar עצה,

  תתנהג תמיד לדבר כל דבריך בנחת, לכל אדם ובכל עת, ובזה תינצל מן הכעס.

Train yourself to always speak in a calm voice, to everyone, at all times. And that will help keep anger at bay.

When these ideas are practiced and lived by, we are fullfilling our own personal יציאת מצרים, overcoming the יצר הרע and our bodily instincts, which as the רמב”ם noted, are compared to פרעה and מצרים.

We’ll conclude with a story that highlights this point, shared by Rabbi Yechiel Spero. In 1984, then- President, Ronald Reagan initiated The Teacher in Space Project, in which one teacher will be chosen to join a NASA space crew on a mission in space. Over 10 thousand teachers applied, including Mrs. Kornbluth, a Frum day school teacher from Baltimore. In the end, Christa McAluliffe, a school teacher from New Hampshire, was chosen to join the NASA crew. On January 28, 1986, the space shuttle Challenger took off from Cape Canaveral, Florida, with 7 crew members, including Ms. McAuliffe. Tragically, only a minute into the flight, the Challenger exploded, killing all 7 passengers.

The next day, a very shaken Mrs. Kornbluth arrived at school, realizing how she could have been one of those tragic victims. While walking down the hallway a young boy approached. ” Mrs. Kornbluth, I wish you would have been the teacher on the Challenger!” Shocked, Mrs. Kornbluth was about to lash out at the student, when she held back, and chose to keep her outer calm. “Why do say that?” She asked.

“Because you’re so special, that had you been on the shuttle, Hashem wouldn’t have allowed it to explode!”

The פרשה begins with the unfolding of the bitter enslavement of כלל ישראל in מצרים and the appointment of משה רבינו as Hashem’s שליח, to lead כלל ישראל out of the מצרים. Many מפרשים grapple with a fundamental question, why is it that כלל ישראל had to go through this terrible suffering? We could have been led out of מצרים immediately following the passing of the שבטים, and given the תורה without the entire enslavement period?

The רמח”ל in ספר דעת תבונות, elaborates on the purpose of creation. Each person has a נשמה that was taken from the loftiest places in שמים. And yet, Hashem takes the נשמה and places it in a human body in this world. As the רמח”ל explains, without the struggles of this world, the נשמה cannot feel content. It’s through the struggles it endures in עולם הזה, and hopefully successfully overcomes, that it can feel truly at peace.

This idea sheds a new light on the outlook we’re meant to have. Life is not about enjoyment and relaxation, but rather about struggle and hard work. The challenges we face are for the purpose of making us become better and stronger people.

This can be compared to a gym workout. If the exercise does not cause pain and stress, it won’t lead to any muscle growth. It’s only when there is struggle and resistance that the muscles will grow stronger. Similarly, when exercising our endurance muscles and overcoming the various challenges we face in life, we become better versions of ourselves, having acquired newfound strengths that were until now laying dormant.

This concept is applicable to all the challenges of life, נסיונות of רוחניות, as well as challenges pertaining to success in wordly matters: with no pain, comes no gain. Only through toil and hard work can we exercise our true abilities.

We can now understand the purpose of שעבוד מצרים. Before emerging as Hashem’s Nation, He wanted us to be strengthened and fortified, such that we could fullfill our historic mission of being an עם סגולה, a unique people, different and more elevated than all the other nations. That “thick skin” was acquired through the backbreaking enslavement of מצרים, during which we remained strong and connected to the רבש”ע, never wavering in our faith that one day we would be redeemed. And it’s that same strength of spirit that has carried, and continues to carry, כלל ישראל through the long and bitter גלות.

We’ll conclude with a story that highlights this point. Rabbi Yehuda Simes was a popular and beloved Rebbe in Ottawa, Canada, where he lived with his family. In June 2010, Rabbi Simes was involved in a tragic car accident, which left him paralyzed from the neck down. His wife later related an episode from that period.

” I was invited to attend a Shiur on the topic of “growing through challenges.” Having been transformed, literally overnight, into a full time caregiver for my husband, I was skeptical about acquiring any real חיזוק in my difficult predicament. Nontheless I chose to attend the lecture. The speaker quoted a חז”ל: Before descending into this world, each נשמה is shown the trajectory of how his life in this world will evolve. And each נשמה subsequently says “הנני”, I’m willing to sign up for this, and will go down to earth.” ” I left the lecture thinking, I did NOT sign up for this! Being the primary caregiver for my husband and sole breadwinner for our large family is simply too much.

“Time went on. My husband continued being a beacon of חיזוק to the entire community in spite of his handicap. And I gradually adapted to my new role in life.” Rabbi Simes lived for another six years, with his family and community embracing him with endless love and support.

Following his passing, his wife wrote about his story, in her book “Rolling Rabbi.” Concludes Mrs. Simes: “After reflecting on this entire period, today I can say with utmost conviction: I DID sign up for this!

Indeed, what won’t break  you, will make you.

The שולחן ערוך in סימן תקעא states:

הנותר ביום השמיני מן השמן הצריך לשיעור הדלקה עושה לו מדורה ושורפו בפני עצמו

Leftover oil that was originally intended for the thirty minutes of נרות חנוכה cannot be used for anything else, as it was consecrated for a מצוה and must instead be burned.

This הלכה is the source for what’s known as the שריפת הפתילות ceremony, which is practiced by many Chasidish Rebbes on מוצאי חנוכה. Some people have the מנהג of burning the wicks of the מנורה on ערב פסח with the חמץ.

We see, though, that while the Yomtov of חנוכה may be over, it’s still has lingering effects that carry on. What then, is a practical lesson we can take from these days that will hopefully provide us with inspiration for the entire year?

In this week’s Parsha, יוסף reveals himself to his brothers and is reunited with his father יעקב. When describing the emotional meeting between יעקב and יוסף, the תורה states

וירא אליו ויפול על צוואריו ויבך על צוואריו עוד

Rashi famusly notes that it only יוסף cried. As for יעקב,

  היה קורא קריאת שמע

In this exalted moment, with יעקב אבינו overwhelmed with gratitude and love, he dedicates it all to Hashem, through the saying of שמע.

We need to understand, though, if this action is warranted, why didn’t יוסף also say שמע? This can perhaps be explained with the following story, which was shared by Rebetzin Leah Kook of טבריה in an interview she had with an American periodical. The Rebetzin grew up in בני ברק, the eldest daughter of Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein שליט”א, and a granddaughter of Rav Elyashiv זצוק”ל, in a home steeped with תורה and יראת שמים. A few years after her marriage to the Tzaddik Rav Dov Kook שליט”א she experienced what she describes as a “crises of connection.” Her passion for Yiddishkeit was fading, and she had no wherewithal to Daven. As she describes “All I could say was ברכות, and not more than that.”

Rebetzin Kook worked as a teacher at the time. One day, while preparing her class lessons in the school library, she came across a ספר חסידות, which included the following statement in the name of the בעל שם טוב:

הלוואי שאאהוב את הצדיק הכי גדול, כמו שהקב”ה אוהב את הרשע הכי גדול

“Halvai I should love the greatest צדיק as much as Hashem loves the greatest רשע.” This statement, implying that Hashem has infinite love for every Yid served as an eye-opener for her. Yes, we must serve Hashem and follow the תורה, but our relationship with Him should be out of love and happiness, not anxiety and depression, as His love for us is eternal and unconditional. Infused with this new approach, the Rebetzin changed her life around, and went on to become a guide to thousands, teaching a vibrant and passionate Yiddishkeit, one that preaches a dynamic relationship of love with Hashem, an approach she continues till this day.

Perhaps we can now explain why unlike יעקב אבינו, Yosef was not saying שמע. To elevate this special moment, יעקב said the שמע. But יוסף הצדיק had a different approach. Every interaction is a way of connecting with Hashem, and that can be done even without saying שמע. And so, יוסף cried on his father’s shoulders, knowing that his tears are also a way of connecting.

Perhaps this is a lesson we can carry with us from חנוכה. The ניסים of חנוכה remind us that Hashem is always there for us and that His Love for כלל ישראל will always endure. And that knowledge can give us great חיזוק throughout the entire year.

We’ll conclude with a story that highlights this point. A few years ago, famed משפיע , Rav Shalom Arush שליט”א, approached his תלמיד, singer Yair Elitzor with a special request: “Please compose a song that will highlight the great love Hashem has for כלל ישראל.” Rav Arush himself helped with the writing of the lyrics, and with that, the world renowned song was released:

השם הוא אבא והוא תמיד מתפאר בי רואה בי רק את הנקודות הטובות

Hashem is a Kind Father and is always proud of me, He only sees my good points

והשם יתברך תמיד אוהב אותי ותמיד יהיה לי רק טוב

Our loving relationship with Hashem is real and nothing, and nobody, can sever it.

Starting with this week’s Parsha, and through the remainder of חומש בראשית, the main character in the פרשיות will be יוסף הצדיק. Why is there such an emphasis on יוסף?

The ספרים explain that יוסף acts as bridge between the אבות הקדושים and the שבטים. While he’s not considered as one of the אבות, he’s also not considered just one the שבטים either. Rather, he’s a different entity, below the אבות, but above the שבטים. It is יוסף who acts as a go-between, from the אבות to the שבטים. As the story of כלל ישראל shifts from the אבות הקדושים towards a nation of 12 שבטים, the story of יוסף serves as the transition between these stages, preparing כלל ישראל for its role in the world.

The מדרש says,

כל מה שאירע ליוסף אירע לציון

Just like the stories of the אבות are harbingers for the future of כלל ישראל, as

מעשה אבות סימן לבנים

, So too

כל מה שאירע ליוסף אירע לציון

The life of יוסף הצדיק also is a harbinger for the future of כלל ישראל. As the מדרש notes, just like יוסף was hated by his brothers,so too כלל ישראל is hated by the nations, and just like he was sold into slavery, so is כלל ישראל thrust into גלות. But why is it that יוסף is the one who reflects on the future of כלל ישראל?

Perhaps this can be explained as follows: A major theme in thelife of יוסף is his great מסירות נפש We find an instance of this early on in the פרשה. The תורה highlights the animosity that the brothers of יוסף felt and displayed towards him. Nontheless, when asked by יעקב to check on the welfare of his brothers, יוסף immediately responds

הנני -“!I’ll go”

Despite knowing that he’s putting himself in a dangerous predicament, יוסף goes, to fullfil the wishes of his father. Later, after being sold to פוטיפר and being confronted by his wife, יוסף הצדיק firmly refuses her advances. Chazal discuss the great difficulty of this ניסיון

  בגדים שלבשה לו שחרית לא לבשה לו ערבית

It was a constant and ongoing pressure to succumb. Yet, with great מסירות נפש he withstood the ניסיון.

כל מה שאירע ליוסף אירע לציון

That power of מסירות נפש has been inherited to all כלל ישראל, the spiritual descendents of יוסף הצדיק, and we are meant to follow in his footsteps and utilize מסירות נפש when called for. This is highlighted in the famous words of חז”ל

עני ועשיר ורשע באין לדין….רשע אומרים לו מפני מה לא עסקת בתורה? אם אומר נאה הייתי וטרוד ביצרי אומרים לו כלום נאה היית יותר מיוסף?

Just like יוסף withstood his ניסיון, every single Yid is expected to withstand their own נסיונות, since we have that power of מסירות נפש within us.

As we approach חנוכה, we can gain חיזוק from the חשמונאים, who through great מסירות נפש stood up to the Greeks and the Hellenists to defend Hashem and His Torah. And through their מסירות נפש, the חשמונאים were successful in defeating their enemies and restoring the בית המקדש and the מלוכה.

We’ll conclude with a story that highlights this point, related by Rebbetzin Batya Barg ע”ה, in her book “Voices in the Silence.” She grew up in Kiev, in the 1940’s, under the oppressive Communist regime. Her parents were מוסר נפש to keep all the מצוות, even having a Kosher Mikva in their apartment. Because of their insistence on שבת observance, they were ineligible for work and suffered great poverty. As she describes in her book, ” As a child, I was in a constant state of hunger.”One day at school, a non Jewish classmate friend noticed my lack of food. In a gesture of kindness, she offered me half of her sandwich.” Here, Batya “, she said, cutting her sandwich in two.” You take half of it.” Batya looked hungrily at the food. The sandwich consisted of 2 slices of white bread, smeared in mayonnaise, with thick slices of salami, a hungry child’s dream. And yet, in an act of great מסירות נפש, in spite of her great hunger, this young child uttered the word that every Yid, a descendent of יוסף הצדיק, knows to say…

“No!”

כל מה שאירע ליוסף אירע לציון!

The Parsha begins with יעקב being notified that עשו is heading his way, with 400 men. The פסוק describes Yaakov’s reaction:

וירא יעקב מאד ויצר לו

He became very frightened and distressed.

Why though, was יעקב fearful, why didn’t he just practice ביטחון in Hashem? The following story can help shed light on this question. In the Fall of 1959,  the Brisker Rav became ill.  Rav Shach זצ”ל went to visit him, and later retold what happened at the visit . “I Went to visit the Rav  prior to ראש השנה. ( The Rav passed away shortly therafter, on ערב יום כיפור ) I found him laying in bed in great distress, both over the pending יום הדין as well as his dire prognosis. I tried comforting him by stating the words of the טור, regarding the דין of ראש השנה. While ordinarily people panic when facing a potential life sentence

… …אבל ישראל אינם כן. אלא לובשים לבנים….ואוכלים ושותים ושמחים בראש השנה לפי שיודעים שהקב”ה יעשה להם נס.

We trust that Hashem will grant us a good year even if we’re undeserving, and therefore celebrate on יום הדין.

With these words, I tried giving חיזוק to the Rav” The Rav responded, ” Imagine a blind man walking on the precipice of a cliff. The first thing he needs to do is to be aware of his dangerous predicament, since in his blindness, he’s blissfully unaware that he’s in great danger. Similarly, having ביטחון that we’ll merit a good judgment, is only valuable if we understand the first that the יום הדין is a time of great danger.”

We can now understand why the תורה highlights that יעקב was fearful. It’s only when understanding the danger he was facing from עשו that יעקב could he then start practicing ביטחון.

What does practicing ביטחון entail? Is it trusting that we’ll get what we want, or is it doing our השתדלות, and then trusting that the outcome is from Hashem? Here too, we can gleam lessons from the Parsha. As רש”י highlights, יעקב prepared himself for 3 things, דורון, תפלה and מלחמה. All these are clear means of השתדלות to do what’s in his power to confront the danger from עשו. This includes תפילה, which is a spiritual form of השתדלות, in which we use our words of Davening to try to get Hashem’s ברכה. As the ספרים הקדושים discuss, the רבש”ע created a pipeline from which His שפע comes down to the world, and that pipeline is תפילה.

This provides clarity on the concept of ביטחון. It doesn’t mean that we trust that Hashem will fullfil our wishes exactly as we want them. Rather, ביטחון means doing our full השתדלות, and then trusting that whatever the result, such is Hashem’s will, and that is always for the best. This concept is highlighted by the חזון איש in ספר אמונה וביטחון. After pointing out that Hashem’s ways are beyond the grasp of the human mind, and we shouldn’t expect to always receive our desired outcome, he defines what ביטחון is:

אבל ענין הביטחון הוא האמון שאין מקרה בעולם וכל הנעשה תחת השמש הכל בהכרזה מאתו יתברך.

Bitachon means the belief that there’s nothing random in the world, and everything that happens is only because Hashem declared it to be so.

We’ll conclude with a story that highlights this point, told over by Rabbi Pesach Krohn. “My father became ill in 1966, and was hospitalized over the ימים טובים at Columbia hospital in NYC. For שמיני עצרת I stayed with him in the hospital, and was invited for a סעודה at the home of Rav Shimon Shwab, in nearby Washington Heights. During the meal, Rav Shwab asked me how my father was doing. ‘ He’s not doing too well,’ I replied, but I have ביטחון that he’ll get better. Rav Shwab turned to me and replied: “That’s not what ביטחון means. You’re not always going to get your desired outcome. Rather it’s the understanding that whatever happens, it’s for the best.”

That is the lesson we learn from יעקב אבינו.

Parshas ויצא- Sheep Stories The Parsha details the travails of יעקב אבינו during his גלות in the house of לבן הארמי. After working for 14 years as payment for marrying רחל and לאה, he approaches לבן with the request to leave. Sensing that יעקב is the source of his success, לבן implores him to stay and offers him a partnership in the business, as the פסוק says

נקבה עלי שכרך ואתנה

Accepting the offer, יעקב stipulates that לבן should remove all the spotted sheep from his flock. At that point, any spotted sheep born from the solid sheep, will belong to יעקב. Indeed, many spotted sheep are born, all of which go to יעקב, resulting in him becoming very wealthy.

But how did the solid sheep breed spotted ones? The תורה highlights that יעקב conducted a mysterious formula to achieve this feet. Indeed, the ספרי קבלה point out that through esoteric כוונות, he was able to change the genetic makeup of the animals, such that they would breed spotted offspring.

Perhaps we can also explain this homiletcally. When highlighting the type of cattle that יעקב would keep, the פסוק refers to them as

עקודים, נקודים וטלואים

We know that the רבש”ע is the shepherd of his flock, כלל ישראל, as the פסוק in תהילים says

ה’ רועי לא אחסר

What can we, as Hashem’s sheep, do to merit His protection? Like the sheep of יעקב, we can be עקודים, as in the word עקידה, bound to Him with our heart and soul. Additionally, the תורה reminds us, נקודים, from the word נקודה. As Yidden, it’s our goal to find the נקודה טובה inside ourselves, and inside our fellow brothers. Practically speaking, we should remind ourselves that we each posses a נשמה which is a חלק אלוק ממעל enabling us to accomplish great things in this world. And, in addition, we should remember that every Yid, is a precious נשמה as well. In the aftermath of October 7, we witnessed an emergance of אמונה and שמירת המצוות aming many previously secular Yidden in ארץ ישראל. One such instance is from former hostage Kieth Segal. A former avowed secularist, while in captivity he discovered the light of אמונה. For the 1st time in his life, he said שמע ישראל twice a day, which kept his spirits and hope alive.

And finally, טלואים, from the word טלאי, a patch. A reminder to find those with broken hearts and try to mend it with a small patch. That can mean a smile, a phone call, or just a kind word. Providing a patch of love and חיזוק can do wonders in mending a broken heart

. עקודים, נקודים, טלואים.

3 small ways to practice and keep the flock of Hashem protected and safe.

We’ll conclude with a story that highlights this point, told over by Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky. A man sat down for Shalosh Seudos in his shul next to a father with his son. The father turned to them and said, “Do you have any sheep stories? And to his puzzled neighbor he explained, Hashem is our Shepard. Each week we try to share stories of השגחה פרטית, instances that happened over the week showing us how He watches over us and cares for us.”

כי אנו צאנך ואתה רועינו!

The Parsha begins with Hashem instructing נח to build the תיבה. After detailing the dimensions of the תיבה, the תורה says:

צוהר תעשה לתיבה

Rashi notes that , according to one opinion, the צוהר was a shining gem hanging in the תיבה to bring light to it. The בעל שם טוב famously expounds on this idea. תיבה, in addition to meaning “ark”, also means “word” in לשון הקודש. Just like their was a צוהר, a shining gem, in Noach’s תיבה, so too, we should take our own תיבה- the words of our תפילה-and turn them into a shining gem, by putting extra effort in ensuring that our Davening and ברכות are said with proper כוונה.

Harav Moshe Shternbuch שליט”א, recalled that when he was learning in Yeshiva in London, in the early years of WW2, the city came under the attack of the Blitzkrieg, Germany’s ongoing bombing campaign, which brought about much death and destruction. While many schools relocated to out of town, The Rosh Yeshiva, Rav Moshe Schnieder insisted that the Yeshiva stay put, stating that “every bomb has its target.” Nonetheless, Rav Schneider recommended that anyone who is fearful should try to make sure they are fullfilling the הלכה of

חייב אדם לברך מאה ברכות בכל יום

Separately,  Harav Azriel Auerbach שליט”א related that his illustrious father, Harav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, would recommend to anyone seeking a ישועה, to practice this הלכה every single day as a means towards earning a salvation, as saying the מאה ברכות is a great merit for שמירה and ברכה. 

The תקנה of מאה ברכות was established by דוד המלך, at a time when Klal Yisrael was struck by a plague, רחמנא ליצלן. Saying these one hundred ברכות daily, eventually brought an end to the מגיפה. Harav Shimshon Pinkus explains that this can be compared to a married couple who get into a quarrel. Each side honkers down refusing to talk, leading to a breakdown in their marriage. The first step in fixing things is for the husband and wife to agree to talk. Once that is done, they can begin the healing process. Similarly, when דוד המלך realized that there was חרון אף, anger from Hashem, he established מאה ברכות בכל יום, as if to say, “Let’s sit down and talk” and then, our relationship with Hashem can be restored.

It’s interesting to note that on a regular weekday, we easily reach מאה ברכות by Davening the three daily תפילות and eating our daily meals. On שבת and Yomtov, when the שמונה עשרה is shorter, we can, nonetheless, still reach that count. The פוסקים recommend either snacking throughout the day, such that we will be making numerous ברכות on food and drink, or alternatively, making sure to answer אמן by קריאת התורה to be יוצא with all the ברכות of the עולים לתורה. When doing such, we can count all those ברכות towards the count of מאה ברכות. (The פסק of Harav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach and other contemporary פוסקים is that women are exempt from the חיוב of מאה ברכות.)

When practicing מאה ברכות, and attempting to do so with כוונה, we are engaging in speaking with Hashem all throughout the day, thus ensuring us His ברכות and protection. And that surely is an embodiment of צוהר תעשה לתיבה, Lighting up the words of our תפילות and ברכות!

In the Parsha, we read about the unfortunate episode of the מרגלים. After being sent to spy the land, they returned with a scalding review of ארץ ישראל, a review that almost all כלל ישראל believed.

Highlighting the reaction to the report of the מרגלים, the פסוק says:

ויבכו העם בלילה ההוא

Klal Yisrael cried that night, a night that would live in infamy for all generations. Hashem’s punishment was swift and severe. Even after משה רבינו Davened, and was told סלחתי כדבריך, nonetheless the גזירה on כלל ישראל was a done deal: All those who complained, from age 20 and up,would not merit entering the ארץ ישראל, and would instead wander, and eventually die, in the מדבר.

There was another unfortunate episode that took place only a year earlier, the חטא העגל. The terrible act of serving עבודה זרה only weeks after מתן תורה, incurred Hashem’s anger. There too, He wanted to punish כלל ישראל. Yet, at that time, the תפילה of משה רבינו was helpful in Hashem changing his mind, and not meting the full punishment on כלל ישראל. Why then,was there not a similiar outcome achieved here by חטא המרגלים, in which the רבש”ע would agree to forgo His punishment?

In פרשת בראשית, after Hashem confronts אדם for eating from the עץ הדעת, he responds:

האשה אשר נתת עמדי הוא נתנה לי מן העץ ואוכל

He blamed Hashem for his sin, for Hashem had given him חוה as a wife. Rashi points out:

כאן כפר בטובה

Blaming Hashem was an act of ingratitude. He was granted חוה as a gift of עזר כנגדו, and repayed Hashem by complaining about her. The result of that ingratitude was a curse on all mankind of:

בזיעת אפיך תאכל לחם

Similarly, when רבקה אמנו was pregnant with יעקב and עשו, she complained

למה זה אנוכי

Chazal note, the גימטריה of זה, is 12, hinting that it was רבקה who was meant to bear the 12 שבטים. It was only after she complained about her difficult pregnancy that the זכות of giving birth to the שבטים was transferred from her to the next generation of אמהות.

Complaining shows a lack of appreciation to all the good we are blessed with. And that lack of appreciation pains Hashem, resulting in a loss of his ברכות. And even when things appear to be challenging, we can strengthen ourselves with the knowledge that Hashem’s kindness is eternal, and place our trust in him. By strengthening our אמונה in Hashem, not by complaining, we can navigate the difficulties that life throws in our way.

We can now understand why the punishment for the חטא המרגלים was so severe. Hashem wanted to give כלל ישראל the great gift of the land of ארץ ישראל. But instead, when hearing the negative report of the מרגלים, כלל ישראל complained and cried about the land. That ingratitude resulted in the severe punishment of 40 years in the מדבר. As the פסוק says, concerning the punishment of the חטא המרגלים

את תלונות בני ישראל אשר המה מלינים עלי שמעתי… אם לא כאשר דיברתם באזני כן אעשה

Says הקב”ה, ” I have heard the complaints of כלל ישראל,  and since they wished to not enter the land, they indeed will not be entering.

We’ll conclude with a story that highlights this point. Eli Sharabi, a resident of Kibutz Biari was abducted from his home on October 7, and taken into Hamas captivity. He was held with 3 other captives in the dungeons of Gaza for the next 491 days. In his recently published memoir, Mr. Sharabi details what kept him going during this terrible period. ” As soon as I was kidnapped, I strengthened myself by saying שמע ישראל, and continued to say it every single day. On Friday night, we would recite קידוש quietly, on a cup of water. I utilized the great power of אמונה to to keep me going. And he concludes: And I will always try to find the light in the darkness.”

Indeed, complaining is never the answer.

Based on Shiur by Rabbi Jonathan Rietti

In Parshas קדושים, the תורה discusses the מצוה of giving תוכחה

לא תשנא את אחיך בלבבך, הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך….

The פסוקים continue

לא תקום ולא תטור את בני עמך

And then finally

ואהבת לרעך כמוך

It seems clear that there is a direct link between the מצוה of תוכחה, the איסור of נקימה, and the obligation of ואהבת לרעך כמוך. What is that direct connection?

The רמב”ן, when explaining the מצוה of תוכחה, explains the sequence of the פסוקים:

When experiencing a valid grudge against someone, our natural tendency is not to express our feelings, but rather to remain silent, while keeping the feelings of hurt inside. While ignoring our feelings of hurt may seem like the correct way of dealing with a grudge, the תורה actually discourages that practice. When resentment stews inside a person, it can eventually come to the fore in an explosive  and angry way, resulting in more hurt to ourselves and others.  Instead, when feeling that we were wronged, we should voice those feelings, allowing the perpetrator the chance to explain themselves or, alternatively, to apologize for their actions. This will clear the air of our negative feelings, allowing love and friendship to be restored.

We can now understand the sequence of the פסוקים here:

לא תשנא את אחיך בלבבך

When experiencing hurt, don’t walk around boxing those feelings inside. Instead:

הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך

Voice your pain, and have a discussion about what happened. And the תורה continues:

לא תקום ולא תטור את בני עמך

If you fail to speak up and voice your feelings, those feelings will fester and grow, resulting in נקימה-taking revenge, or נטירה, expressing bitterness. This is when the hurt party expresses himself through sarcasm, stating ” Unlike other people, I’m happy to do a favor.” This type of passive-aggressive behavior, results in prolonged animosity and bitterness, and is exactly what the רבש”ע does NOT want us to do.

What stops people from voicing their feelings in a respectful way, and instead resorting to bitterness, and passive aggressiveness? It’s the feeling of “I don’t have the right to speak up for myself. I’m not important enough to stand my ground.” This feeling of inferiority and false modesty is toxic and, as noted, brings about an endless cycle of bitterness, negativity, and further hurt.

We can now understand the final פסוק in this sequence:

ואהבת לרעך כמוך

If you really want to love your fellow Yid, and live a life of אהבת ישראל and שלום, there has to be a sense of כמוך-yourself. Believe in Yourself, and in your rights as a person. Speak up and validate your feelings and concerns. Every person is special and unique and is entitled to dignity and respect. And then, with those healthy feelings of self-worth, you will be able to love your fellow as yourself, giving them respect and kindness.

We’ll conclude with a story that highlights this point, shared recently by Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz, a well-known Rav in Woodmere. “Around four years ago, I received an email from the wife of a former congregant. She wrote that that past Shabbos, her husband had returned to Daven at our Shul, along with her father, who was visiting them. To her great disappointment, the Gabaim did not give her father, a guest visitor, an Aliyah. The lady complained that she found this behavior very offensive, and took it as personal affront. ‘You surely didn’t give my father an עליה, because we are no longer paying members of your shul, and that’s wrong.’ She concluded by saying, ” I don’t want to keep my resentment festering inside of me, and so I chose to voice it instead to you, the Rav.”

Continues Rabbi Lebowitz: “I responded to the email: Thank you for voicing your concern and feelings. You are absolutely right in doing so. And please note- there were no personal feelings involved in the decision to not give your father an Aliyah. Since the begining of COVID, for safety reasons, the בעל קורא got all the עליות. This week, for the very first time, we decided to give out עליות,but only to those individuals whom we knew to have gotten both COVID vaccines. And since the second vaccine was only recently released, we assumed your father did not get it, and thus as a matter of safety, he did not get an עליה.”

Concludes Rabbi Lebowitz: ” The lady responded with an apology, and a firm commitment to try to practice being דן לכף זכות in the future.”

When we speak up for ourselves, we are promoting, not preventing, real שלום.

The פרשיות of תזריע -מצורע discuss the דינים of צרעת. The גמרא in מסכת ערכין notes:

על שבעה דברים נגעים באים

There are seven עבירות that cause צרעת, with לשון הרע being at the top of the list. The רמב”ם notes, that צרעת is the most severe form of טומאה, in that the afflicted person must go מחוץ למחנה. Even stepping foot in his own home will cause everything in the house to become טמא. He, therefore, must remain outside the walls of the מחנה.

From all the עבירות in the תורה, why is לשון הרע so severe? The חפץ חיים in the introduction to his Sefer quotes from the זוהר הקדוש:

“יש רוח אחד שעומד על בעלי לשון הרע….והוא שורה על התעוררות לשון הרע שאמרו אנשים. והוא נכנס למעלה. וגורם בהתעוררות ההיא של לשון הרע מוות והרס בעולם.”

“There is an impure spiritual force that is awakened when לשון הרע is spoken. And that force uses the negative words of לשון הרע to spread קטרוג on כלל ישראל in שמים, resulting, רחמנא ליצלן, in death and destruction.”

This actually is hinted to in the פסוק in תהילים

שטו בשמים פיהם ולשונם תיהלך בארץ

While one’s mouth is uttering words here in this world, they are actually directly affecting change in the heavens above. The נתיבות שלום” further expounds on this : Hashem is our loving Father. A father wants nothing more than to hear positive things about his children, and is greatly pained when hearing negative reports about them. The same is true with Hashem, who longs to hear only nice things about His children, כלל ישראל. We now understand why לשון הרע is so severe, resulting in terrible קטרוגים.

And conversely, there is nothing that brings Hashem more נחת רוח than כלל ישראל living in אחדות and speaking positively about each other. As תנא דבי אליהו states:

אמר להם הקב”ה לישראל: בני, מה אני מבקש מכם? אלא שתהיו אוהבים זה את זה, ומכבדים זה את זה.”

What ,then, can we do to counter the natural pull towards speaking לשון הרע? Chazal give us an עצה:

מה אומנתו של אדם בעולם הזה? ישים עצמו כאילם The best skill one can aquire in life, is the ability to remain silent. If we’re able to keep quite, even when we have the desire to speak up, we have gained ourselves a very powerful tool. Whether it’s refraining from joining a juicy gossip conversation, or refraining from responding to a negative comment spoken at us, learning to keep quite is an invaluable tool

And the more we train ourselves and utilize this tool, the more we’ll בס”ד be able to avoid לשון הרע, and bring Hashem much נחת רוח.

We’ll conclude with a story that highlights this point: A young בחור learning in מתיבתא תפארת ירושלים wanted to develop a קשר with the ראש ישיבה , Rav Dovid Feinstein זצ”ל. The boy decided to walk the ראש ישיבה on שבת from his home to the Yeshiva. He was surprised that the Rosh Yeshiva said nothing during their entire walk. The next week, the boy decided to prepare a few topics for discussion on the walk. But after attempting a few times to begin a conversation, the Rosh Yeshiva responded: ” There’s nothing better than a quiet walk, shared with good friends.”

By mastering the art of silence, we can merit a good life, both in this world, and the next.