We read in the פרשה about the חטא המרגלים. When the מרגלים returned with their negative report about ארץ ישראל, they expressed their fear regarding the giant size of the inhabitants of the land.
ושם ראינו את הנפילים בני ענק
We saw the giants
ונהי בעינינו כחגבים וכן היינו בעיניהם
We felt like grasshoppers compared to them, and that is how they viewed us.
How did the מרגלים know how the giants viewed them? רש”י notes,
שמענו אומרים נמלים יש בכרמים כאנשים
We see ants that look like people.
How, though, did the מרגלים understand the language of the giants, which certainly was different than לשון הקודש? Perhaps the תורה is hinting here to the damage low self esteem can cause. The מרגלים felt so insecure that they projected their own feelings and imagined that the people of the land were saying exactly how they felt about themselves.
Believing in the mission we were given in life, and in our ability to carry out that mission, is the key to success in life and in עבודת השם. And the מרגלים, who lacked in that belief, failed so badly in their mission.
One area in which this ideal is relevant and important, is in marriage. The ספרים highlight, that a husband and wife are really two parts of one נשמה that had been split and are now reunited in marriage. But for the marriage to work, each spouse has to fullfill their unique, individual, role.
The פסוק in בראשית says,
ואל אישך תשוקתך והוא ימשול בך
The role of the husband in marriage is to be the משפיע, the masculine force that guides and leads. The wife is meant to be the מקבלת, the recipient in the relationship. When these roles are established in a marriage, the wife can bring out her unique abilities and shine in her role, which is to be the עקרת הבית, the mainstay of the home. Practically speaking, this means a man should try to be a bulk of support for his wife and family, a force of stability his family knows they can rely upon, look up to, and trust, in matters of both רוחניות and גשמיות. When the husband fulfills his role in such a way, the wife can utilize her own strengths to fulfill her own role, of running the household and infusing it with her unique warmth and wisdom,
חכמות נשים בנתה ביתה.
Harav Shamshon Refael Hirsch describes this role,
תפקידו העליון של הגבר בנישואין הוא להביא אושר לאשה שנהיית אשתו
The primary responsibility of a man in marriage is to bring happiness to the woman he married. And when both husband and wife are carrying out their respective roles, their marriage becomes a כלי for השראת השכינה, as חז”ל tell us
איש ואשה זכו-שכינה ביניהם.
And as we see here in the Parsha, success in this area can only happen when we believe in ourselves and in our unique role in marriage and in life.
We’ll conclude with a story that highlights this point. The חפץ חיים arrived at Shul early one morning. In the Shul in Radin, there was a חבר’ה תהילים, a group of older men who would arrive in shul very early to recite תהילים. On that particular day, the חפץ חיים was surprised to see an affluent businessman and בעל צדקה among the תהילים chanters. When inquiring as to why he was there, the man responded that he already earned much money, and wanted to spend more time engaging in עבודת השם. The צדיק responded,
” During a time of war, every soldier must remain at his assigned post. If an infantry man decides to leave his post, and instead join the kitchen, he can be tried and severely punished for deserting his role. You too, were given a role in life, to support תורה and חסד by earning money. Failure to do your role, is comparable to the the soldier who deserts his assigned post during war.”
By understanding and believing in our unique role, we can merit the סייעתא דשמיא we need to be successful.
Weekly Parsha Shiur 